It’s been a while…with some changes along the way. Isn’t that what life is all about….changes? Gigi has had a (NSI) Never-ending Sinus Infection. Three rounds of antibiotics, oral surgery, another round of antibiotics, two cultures, pain pills, and I still have the NSI. Surgery is scheduled but if I should start to feel much, much better, I’m to call the nurse and postpone surgery. The past month especially is pretty blurry.
For as long as I can remember I have had problems with separation anxiety. I was such a momma’s girl that I never wanted to be away from her. On occasion when I would visit with my grandparents, 4 hours away, I don’t think a day went by that I didn’t cry. The longest I ever stayed was a week, but at the time it seemed an eternity. It wasn’t that I didn’t love them because I did. I just did not like being away from my mother. I think now about how much my grandmother did to entertain me and how hard it must have been for her. Wish I could tell her that I’m sorry that my visits made it difficult for her. I couldn’t tell her that it would be different if I could redo it, because I’m pretty sure I would have still been miserable while away from my mother.
One of the biggest changes is that I am no longer keeping Bailee and Miles. They are now going to full-time daycare. To say that I had a meltdown when this occurred is an understatement. I’m sorry for getting so upset and making it even more difficult for their mommy and daddy to make the decision. Would I get upset if I had it to do over again? Yes. I just now can talk about it without getting a lump in my throat. To some, I know this is silly. Even though I know that this decision is best for all concerned right now, I still have a hard time dealing with the fact that they are not here every day. All I could think of was that my babies were not going to be with me. I miss them dearly. Remember, I said I have had problems with separation anxiety? The truth is, I am not feeling well enough to take care of them full-time and right now not even part-time. Hopefully, I will be able to keep them at least part-time in the future.
No longer will I be the person who hears the cute things Bailee says each day. She is my sunshine and she makes me laugh and I miss that. I won’t be the one who enjoys the “firsts” of Miles. He is rolling everywhere and I missed it. He says some sounds now, ma, da, and I’m pretty sure I heard gi last week. His smile is contagious and I miss seeing it daily.
One thing that will never change is this...I will always be their gigi!
